People ask me all the time- how do I move on from past hurts, or, how do I move on from brokenness. The truth is it can be hurtful but it can be done. Let’s look at 5 things you can do to move forward in relationships.
- You need to realize that everyone has some type of hurt from the past; we all have baggage. Few of us have it all together. So, the first step to healing relationships is to have a good hard look at yourself first. Recognize that the hurts and disappointments form your past affect you moving forward. Be willing to forgive yourself for -not being perfect- for saying or doing silly things- for not taking advantage of an opportunity- for not going after your dreams, what ever the case is be willy to forgive yourself. The most important healing is for you to forgive yourself and heal you hurt first.
- Next you may have wounds from parents, siblings or family. You need to look at anything that you may be holding onto and be willing to forgive them and let it go. Family dynamics are a powerful thing. They can affect us in positive or negative ways. We are influenced by our family structure in ways we can’t imagine, often we don’t see them until we are older and are trying to figure things out. Be willing to let go and forgive. This will free you up and allow you to move forward.
- Friendships from the past or recent past can hold us captive. Often if we are hurt in a friendship or relationship when we are young, we will take that into future relationships, sometimes without knowing it. Let’s say we were bullied at school. That memory will stay with us and when we approach a new friend we will think back to the bullying and maybe become reserved wondering if we are going to be bullied again. Same thing with romantic relationships, if we were hurt in the past, we may expect it to happen in the future and approach things suspiciously. So past events can keep us from moving into new relationships and need to be dealt with in order to have successful friendships and relationships moving forward.
- After you have looked at and dealt honestly with the past mindsets and any unforgiveness you need to prepare yourself to move forward. Often people get into unhealthy relationships because they don’t know what they believe in; they don’t know their values. Values are the things that are important to us. Things like honesty, integrity, faithfulness, etc. When we know what we value we then know what we expect others to be like. If you like honesty then you want and expect your friends and romantic partner to share that same value. So, by knowing what you value you will attract like minded people. Without knowing what you truly believe to be important to you don’t expect future relationships to be what you are really wanting. Without clear values you can’t have vision of what you want.
- Now you need to transform yourself and be the type of person others want to be around. The secret to moving forward and having great relationships is by being a great person and friend that people want to have around them. Start taking better care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. Start reading and learning so that as you move forward you will attract the kind of people you deserve.
These are a few tips on how to heal relationships moving forward. As I said the most important one is healing you first. Forgive yourself, forgive others and move forward. Discover what you value, what’s important and grow as a person.
Moving forward you will need to constantly re evaluate things. This isn’t a one-time deal. I teach people that they need to take inventory daily, weekly, monthly, so that they are looking at things and dealing with issues. You need to make adjustments as you go.
I hope you found this helpful. Feel free to reach out to me with any questions or further concerns.
To your future relationships,